perverse and meaningless

I'm unsure. I have no feedback from which to judge my progress as a songwriter. I think I am not so good, mainly because I never think that I use my brain as I much as I could when constructing words. I think I get lazy. Writing a song isn't an inherently pro-active process. One can write a song without even thinking (or writing) sometimes. The difference between a song that people can relate to, feel a connection with, or find interesting and a song that is ho-hum is, perhaps, the amount of brainpower one puts into it (if the talent exists to write a good song).

Wait. Talent? What is that? It is merely a result of hard work and timing. In almost every detail I agree with Malcolm Gladwell, author of the well-received book Outliers. Though I am an advocate of his theories, I am a bit forlorn by them; I feel I don't have the spark to put me over the edge of mediocrity.

Noggin gymnastics require constant stretching! I need more pressure to stretch.

I think I have the ability. I really do. I wonder if I have the concentration. I think I settle too easily.

Contrarily, some of the best stuff I have ever sang, thought of, or felt has been free-styled. It might be that my brain waves are on overdrive, a sort of unbound freedom, in those situations. God needs a tape recorder. The next morning we can awake and revisit those situations. Watching yourself without inhibition is one of the wildest things you can do. Watching others positively react to an uninhibited you can blow your mind. It can change your life. Why do minds sometimes open up? I want to bottle my most confident moments, and then concentrate it for future use.

Anyway, songs are funny creatures. They help one navigate the seas of one's topsy-turvy mind, but if one wants the navigation to complete itself, one needs the confidence to advertise one's feelings, insecurities, and personality.

We all need to connect 1 to 8 sometimes, and forget about 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7.